Still Here

Yes, I am still alive and kicking. I have been so busy I rarely have time to sit at the computer unless I am doing work for one non-profit or another!I am finishing up one show NUNSENSE and have just started rehearsal for the next one ZOMBIES FROM THE BEYOND. AND getting ready in 4 weeks for the Coupeville Festival. We hold an arts and crafts fair every year, and vendors from all over the country come to sell their own hand made wares. We have over 200 booths, and it fills up two streets in town! We end up with over 10,000 people in town for that weekend. Lots of planning and getting things going. More than I ever thought about until I got involved. WHEW!

I also started a class in Chair Yoga, which I think is helping me. Too soon to tell, as I have only been to two classes, and now she will be gone until the 14th of July! :( I am still swimming,and still in pain, but maybe JUST maybe, this Yogini can help me with that.

I have not been blogwalking but I do try to keep up with facebook, so people will know that I am still alive. I will not stop blogging, just not as much! You have all been there. You KNOW you have! Rain, I stopped by and left a HUGE comment on your post this morning, and blogger lost it. But I really was there!!!!

CatmomaJ's white deer

We live on an island, and it is very rare for new creatures to crawl across the bridge or swim the 5 miles from the mainland, so we have a population of deer that eventually interbreed. THey are small, but they breed like crazy. The only natural predators are the coyotes that were brought over to control the rabbit population, and of course the proverbial teenager with a 22 rifle or a shotgun. Needless to say, when theses deer are corraled by houses and fences and highways, they will interbreed, and we end up with some very strange looking holstein like deer. Very rare on THIS Island, but in the SAN JUANS (2 islands over) they are very prevalent.




CatMomaJ took these yesterday out her bedroom window. This one is not an albino deer, but a very pale color nonetheless. Judy has been watching her for about a year now and she is quite shy. I would expect her to breed this year and possibly have some little baby white deer!

Still Here

It is very difficult to write when everything you want to say is negative. Difficult when you find that writing may make you realize a few things you dont like. even more difficult when there is not a freaking thing you can do about them.

I am stressed....
I am in Pain.....
I am hurt........
I am in pain.....
I am pushed......
I am in pain.....
I am lonely......
I am in Pain.....

I so want a good night's sleep without having to get up and peee 50 times a night, I want a good night's sleep without drugs that may or may not cause me to sleepwalk, sleep eat, or sleep compute. (How would I know? I live alone!)

I went to the Neurological Surgeon and he said that there is nothing he can do to fix me. THat anything he does would only be temporary and could hurt me worse than the fix. That was not what i wanted to hear. I have been through therapy, did not help. I Have had the shots in my spine...did not help. I am on Drugs, but they dont work anymore, and only will lead to more and more drugs at a higher and higher dose. I dont want that. The Pain is causing stress because I can not do what I need to do in my everyday life. I can't paint sets, I can't mow the yard, I cant walk through the grocery store, I cant vaccuum, I cant walk on the beach that I love so much. I have to go up the stairs one step at a time and I hurt. People are pulling away from me because I am no fun to be around. That is just an impression, not a known fact.

Being in pain causes me to be less tolerant than I used to be. My daughter told me I was acting like Ouiser in STEEL MAGNOLIAS. Thank you SO much OBE! Appreciate the support! :(

The only time I am not hurting is when I am sitting, for a short time, or swimming. Now swimming is a blessing...but not the one I was looking for. I was hoping it would strengthen my back so I could walk. Instead it has built up muscles in my gluts and my legs, so that I can swim Longer. Unfortunately my back will never improve from swimming. It feels good in the water though. No gravity, and no pain...however the pain upon exiting the pool is horrendous! Even little kids look at my face and run!

I have a new play starting this next week, and I am stressed about that. Stressed because I have repeatedly asked for help in finding a musical director, and I am getting nowhere! I know I can pull this off and it will be funny, but I cant play music, and so need help.. The Board is not helping one iota in that regard.

I have a cat that is going to have to be put to sleep if he doesnt quit shitting in the garage! He is UBER old, and used to belong to Tim, and he is an independent cuss, but he refuses to use the cat boxes! If I put him out at night, he stands under the window and SCREAMS until I let him in. I spent last weekend cleaning the garage, and I am paying for it this week. And yesterday I went in to scoop, and there right against the garage door is TWo piles of poo! ARRRRGHH!! He is so old he forgets what he is doing. I keep hoping that an owl or a coyote will take him away, but that aint gonna happen...It will have to be MOM that does it.

I Wish I drank! THen I could self-medicate and not worry about it, but I don't. So I guess I better shut up before the few readers I have left leave me too.

On a good note: THe oldest Baby flew today, but came back into the nest when Mom came home with dinner. The others looked at him as if to say..."HEY, You don't live here anymore! Go Away, this is OUR Lunch!"

WHOOPED!!

I am so tired! I had a board meeting tonight for the CFA, but I worked on the SHow this weekend, so now I have to rush to get caught up with my Producer duties....GOtta get to the scrapbook store tomorrow and get the paper for the Lobby Wall, then get that all done then Swim on Wednesday, then Buy-out on THursday and Open on Friday! THEN I have to get my shit together for MY show ZOMBIES which Auditions in three weeks!! ARRRGHHHH I am so glad I am retired and have nothing to do!!!! BAHHHH

Dress Rehearsal

Last night was a full dress rehearsal, complete with the band. I still do not have the lights set the way they need to be, but I will have before next week. It is getting to be so funny!! These ladies are veterans, and the more comfortable they get the funnier they get. You dont want to blink or you will miss something! here are a few more pictures to entice you to buy your tickets now!

more NUNSENSE.....

Nunsense!!

I am still chasing all of those wacky Nuns around town...Lord only knows what they will be up to NEXT!! The show is in production now, and will open on June 5! Get your tickets early, it is expected to be a sell-out!!

A Long Hard time is over!

In 2000, I was stationed in Fallon, Nevada, as GM of a retail store on base. It was a long way from home, but I drove it every 6 months just to see green again. In the Spring of 2000, I was heading home, to just spend time with my daughter, in Ellensburg. I called Tim on Orcas Island to tell him I would be there, to come over and meet us. WELL!!! I was informed that he was in jail...MY BABY!! I was shocked, but refused to put up any money for bail, as I knew he was financially unstable, and in fact had told both of my kids when they left the nest, that they knew right from wrong, and if they got in trouble it was on their own nickel. He knew that and knew not to call for bail money. Imagine his surprise when I went to visit him. oh YEAH! anyway, you all know the stress I was under and the problems I had getting stationed back here. DOwn Grade, lost money the whole works, but at least I could see him once in awhile. He was sent to Prison for 36 months with time off for good behavior. He waas transferred to a minimum security prison on the Olympic Peninnsula. He got the job of his dreams with the DEPT of NATURAL RESOURCES, fighting fires, and cleaning camp sites in the National FOrest. He did his time, jumped through all the hoops, got the rehab, and was released to work release, where he found a great job. He left that program after 6 months, and was on 1 year of probation. Yesterday we were all sitting around the table, eating Prime rib, and he announced that he is no longer on probation, that he has a letter from the DOC stating that he is fully rehabed and needs no further supervision!

YAHOO!!!!!!!!!!!! My baby boy finally has his head on straight! Only took him 37 years!

Photoshoot

I spent the afternoon running around town following a bunch of wacky Nuns. They are due to arrive at the Playhouse June 5th for a four week stay. You see These guys are hard to pin down. They are so full of energy, and so GLAD to be alive after escaping to a BINGO hall, while Sister Julia...(Child of God)poisoned the rest of the convent with her Vichyssoise soup that was tainted with botulism. 52 of their Oder died, and they only had enough money to bury 48 of the sisters, so the other four were stored in the convent freezer....until the Health Dept caught wind of it, and demanded that they too be buried. The Little Sisters of Hoboken are putting on a fund raiser at the Mt. St. Helen's school, and the fun begins! There is Reverend mother (Mary K Hallen), Sister Robert Anne (Sue Riney) Sister Hubert (Allenda Jenkins) Sister Leo (Elizabeth Booth) and of course Sister Amnesia (K. Sandra O'Brien). Rusty Hendrix Directs this zany Musical and naturally I am producing it.

SHHHHHH

I woke up this morning in horrible pain again, per the course, and just lay there on my back listening to the birds. There was something going on in the alders as there was a lot of cawing and loud chipping coming from beyond the fence. I just figured they were all glad to finally see a semi-dri day, so I went about my morning ablutions. Yogurt, coffee, crochet, the VIEW and the News. The dogs were going nuts barking too, so I finally got up to see what was what.

The dogs came in, Lint came in, and the birds were fluttering around the suet feeder, but there was still something in the woods. I stood in my nitegown at the edge of the back deck and looked as far as I could through the jungle that used to be my back yard, and right there on the edge of the Alders sitting on a branch was a Barred Owl. I talked Barred owl talk to him, and he just sat there with his eyes closed sleeping away. The Birds do NOT like him there, as he is as apt to eat them as mice or rats. He obviously isnt very hungary, as just now a chickadee flew right into his face, and he just sat there grooming himself. I sure wish he would scare away the starlings though...they are greedy little bastards, and devour a suet block in 15 minutes. The owl just sits there...keeping watch on the ground for the rats that Live under my house...yeah I know, dont feed the birds, but Hey...It is one of my only real pleasures. And if you think about it, I am feeding the owls too. :)

Dr. Report...

Last Friday I went to get an MRI on my Lumbar spine. I have been in pain for over 10 years, constantly getting worse. I have asked several times for something to relieve the pain, but get ignored. Last Thursday I went in a yelled at my Dr, and told him to either find out what is wrong with my back or give me enough drugs to tolerate it. I can no longer walk all the way around the grocery store with out pain radiating down my left side and my leg collapsing. I am ok sitting for awhile, and I am in no pain in the Pool. So I swim 2 hrs at a time three days a week. He realized that I have been trying, so he referred me to the MRI. I came home the next day with films in hand. So being the WONDERFUL Dr that I am....(NOT) I looked at them, and then compared them to normal MRIs on line. (did you know there are TONS of pictures of lumbar spines?) I thought they looked scary, so I called and asked when I should bring them in. I get a call left on my answering machine, from the Dr, that there is INDEED an abnormality in my Lumbar Spine, and he is referring me to a Neurologist for evaluation and possible surgery! HALLELUJAH! At least now he knows and I know that I am not making this pain up.

I have this wonderful new mower that I have been trying to use to get my grass down to a workable level, however I mow 50 feet and then sit and rest my back, then mow some more and rest, Today I actually got the front 1/3 of the back yard down to where it should be. So now Sadie has a place to pottie without getting lost in the foot high grass and dandelions which have taken over my back yard.

Now I am sitting here updating my blog, and hoping that the pain goes away long enough for me to get in the car and drive to the pool. I'm telling you...PAIN!!!!
When Did I get so OLD? I thought Sciatica was an OLD PERSON'S ailment. Didn't they have Carter's little pills for that? Humph!

Good pot o'beans!

I, Like the rest of the country had a baked Ham for Easter dinner. Actually it was Saturday, because that is when the family gathered. I cooked it, and there was not much to slice off after dinner, so I stuck it in the fridge and then later in the week I made a pot of pinto beans. I reached in the cupboard for the bag of beans that I ALWAYS have on hand, only to find that I had just half a bag. I shrugged, threw the bone, the beans an onion, garlic and a swig of Mrs. Wright's Liquid smoke, turned on the crock pot and walked away. THe next day I had a great pot of bean SOUP, but not many beans. I ate a few bowls, and stuck the rest into the fridge. Sunday I stopped by Prairie Center, got a few needs and several bags of beans to have on hand. I came home threw a bag of small white beans into the crock pot and set it for 10 hours. It turned into a good batch of beans, I ate some and then Yesterday I thought...HMMMMM it is so thick I wonder what would happen if I tried to make baked beans in a crock pot.

I threw in a cup of brown sugar, a big squirt of mustard, MORE Mrs. Wright's, and all the molasses I had left (1/4 cup), and about 1/4 cup of apple cider vinegar stirred it all in and heated it up. Last night I came home from swimming and OHMIGAWD!!!! It was wonderful!! B&M Boston Baked Beans has NOTHING on me!!! No oven, no long baking, just use the crock pot and there it is!!!

I have grown up eating beans and cornbread for dinner. Only Mom used salt pork, not Ham. and I LOVE the cornbread soaked with the bean juice, piled high with ham and beans. YUMMY!! and Baked Beans with Polish Sausage on the side!! damn, it is time for lunch.

A GREAT READ.

When I first started blogging over 6 years ago, I had a follower, "The Fairy" that sent me a book that she really wanted me to read. "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" By Alexander McCall Smith. I read it and fell in love with Mma. It takes place in Botswana, Africa and is very innocent and naive at first. Then you realize that she uses her innocence to her benefit, and solves cases.

I went on to read almost all of the series, (I have missed two books, I don't know how!) and thought it would make a good TV series. WELL! HBO did too, and they made a TV movie of the first book, and then they are presenting a series based on the books written. I watched episode #3 last night. (HBO Sunday Night) I Loved it just as much as the first one.

I encourage all of you to get the books and read them and then follow along on the series, and escape to an Africa that you probably have never known. I got a map of Africa, and keep it by my bed, so that when I am reading, I can follow along and know where she is. Great Geography lessons too.

DO it. you know you want to. ;)

back problems

after 7 long painful years of yelling at my dr, He FINALLY said ok, we will get an mri on your lumbaer spine region and see what is going on. I am pain free in the water, and stay in for more that two hours three time a week. I went down to Lynwood on the mainland, and had to look for it. Fouind it right away. went in crawled into the tube and layed there for 45 minutes while they took 4 sheets of pictures.

I went on line to see if any there look like mine, and there are some. So Now I am going to yell for surgery to get this crap fixed! I have sat on my ever widening ass for 7 years, and I am tired of this. THere is something pinching my sciatic neverv and now it runs clear down my leg into my ankle and big toes. ARRRRRGGGHHH Really hard to walk when your legs wont move! I NEED to get out and walk.. every day! 3 miles everyday, i Need to hike along a sandy beach. I need to hike trough the high mountain forest. I need to just get away for awhile. So next week I take the films back to him and then start the nexdt step. This pain is horrible. SHould have heard me yelling as I waas pushing the mower this afternoon! OOPS@

SPRING!! AT LAST!!

Not only has the weather been just lousy as hell, and my mental state has been busy with dying brother, but even the flowers are late this year. In The Skagit Valley they have a tulip festival every April, and the Tulips have not opened yet!! Tulips in my yard are just now starting to open. THe plum trees next door are loaded with blossoms finally, and the crab apple tree is getting a tinge of pink...By Now we would have had an explosion of color, But it looks like if the weather holds like it is today, we might have a spring after all.

Yesterday it snowed in some areas...REALLY!!

I have a horrible allergic reaction to the tree pollen, and with spring so late, they are all pollenating at once. NICE!! My grass has grown almost a foot, and my lawn mower just got here yesterday. Now I am waiting for the grass to dry out enough to cut it.

I bought an electric lawnmower. A Neuton! totally electric, with no cord! it is run by a replacable battery that you just pull out and plug into the wall and voila. No gas to buy, no pollutants to fill the air and very little noise! Now let's see if this puppy can cut! (and see if I can push it!)

Michael Murray Brett Sept 12 1955-April 8 2009

My baby brother finally left this world about an hour ago. He fought a long hard battle with Colo-rectal cancer. The past two months he has been in a hospice Enso House, and they are there strictly to take care of the dying, and to allow them to pass from this world in as peaceful a setting as possible.

The past week he has been semi-concious, but he had his eye-lids only half open. He was cold and gettign a blue tint to him, his eyes were sunk way back into his skull, and he could not speak. It was horrible watching him try to leave, and not being able to. This has been a very hard transition for him and for the whole family. I hope none of you ever have to go through that.

Do your families a favor and go out and get a colonoscopy. DO IT! NOW!!! catch it before it is too late! If you smoke, STOP!!! and next time the Combined Federal Campaign comes your way, donate to the American Cancer SOciety, and let's get a cure for all cancers!

I will write more in the morning,. RIght now by brain is very tired. I may just sleep all day! Thank you all for being here for me.

still hanging on...

All he is doing now is sleeping. He only gets out of bed to go to the bathroom, which isnt often as he isnt taking any nourishment in. He is getting weaker and weaker by the day, and is starting to hallucinate. He sees little people walking around, and sees people walking in the fields. He called Sherry today and did not know who Rocky his dog was. So technically it should not be much longer.

Sherry sold Tim Mike's Truck, and he now has good reliable transportation, which is great! His old van finally gave up the ghost! (THANK YOU LORD)

I wish I had better news to report, but there just aint none lately. We are all worn out. TIred, allergies, stress.WE KNOW THAT THE lORD HAS HIS REASON WHY HE IS LETTING mIKE LIVE SO LONG, bUT WE SURE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT IS UNLESS IT IS PUNISHMENT FOR SOMETHING HE DID. It is beyond my ken!

Herman, Tim said you found him on facebook. He is thrilled that you have kept up with him, and wish him good will. It means a lot to him. Thank You. You are such a kind man!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!:)

Guess who called me out of the BLUE? KAT!!! I was so excited to hear that someone in Alberta Canada was still alive and kicking! I really miss her writtings and her DRAWERINGS! She also is on facebook, and she has all of her DRAWERINGS on it too! She is such a talented young lady! I keep trying to tell her that she ought to write and illustrate a childrens book. I know it would sell! she has such a great sense of humor! For those of you who did not get the chance to know Kat SPECIAL K when she was blogging, you really missed a good blog. She quit, because she said she didn't have anything else to say. I know we have all been there, and in my case SEVERAL times...but I keep on plugging along.

In the vast ethernet of blogging, You meet so many people, and even though you will never meet them face to face, they become a big part of your life! When they stop writing, it is if as though they have died, and a part of your soul dies with them. As I have said before, I am not naive enough to believe everything that everyone writes, and I know there have been several who were nothing like their blog persona. That hurts when you find out, but while you were believing, you had a friend.

Kat is REAL. She is a little blonde cartoon character who works in Calgary, and rides the bus to work everyday, and gets beaten up by little Chinese ladies, and sits next to the Easter Egg guys. She wears happy underpants and really enjoys a drink now and then! (HAAAA!)

You really shoulda known her when....(BIG SIGH!)

Michael

How that man is hanging on We do not know. He has to weigh under 100 lbs now, he has had nothing to eat in over a month, When he growls and gets cranky they give him something soft and clear, but he gets horrible pain otherwise, He sleeps a lot now, and is starting to halucinate...seeing people walking in the fields. He fell yesterday on the way to the bathroom. Poor Baby.. I just dont like seeing him like this., Donna and I are going to down for a short bit tomorrow, but I wont stay long with these allergies. I dread going to his funeral. I dont go to funerals the whole family knows that, but this is one I guess I have to go to. having a younger sibling die like this really puts your own humanity right up there for you to look at, doesnt it? I dont like what I see. Guess I had better change some things before I go. but that wont be for another 30 years. when I am 93!

AAAAACHOO!!!

Spring....BAH!!! I was feeling pretty good, but then the alders started pollenating, and my nose started itching, then I lost my voice, and then I lost my nose!!! GADS!! I went out yesterday to get some heavy cold drugs, ZYRTEC and got a real culture shock. It was great when I got to only pay a co-pay for a prescription drug but now that it is OTC it cost me more than my co-pay would have. YIKES> but it is good stuff! I woke up this morning feeling much better but still reqally sleepy, so I spent the whole day in bed. First day of Spring, and I spent it in bed! IT was really pretty topday too, or so I heard.

Bob tripped over an empty display pallet in the Navy Exchange on Sunday and dislocated his shoulder, so I have been playing nursemaid to him. It is so hard to rely on someone else when you have been independent for 69 years! The worst part for him was having to sleep in my house, and put up with my habits...he gets up at 500 and goes to bed at 7PM I get up at 930 and go to bed at 1230PM But we made it therough tHURSDAY WHEN HE THOUGHT HE COULD HANDLE THE CLIMB INTO HIS LOFT BY HIMSELF.( sorry caps on) buttoning up his 501's was another matter, but I told him he would have to "fish for himself". Terrible aren't I? Right now the setting sun is shining on the alders out back and setting them all aglow, soooo pretty....SOOOO EVIL!!!!!

NExt season

Well In case I forgot to mention it...(as if I have had nothing else on my mind...) I have been selected as Director for the opening show of next season. ZOMBIES FROM THE BEYOND. It is a Hoot! A campy space/earth invasion musical. Takes place in Milwaukee in 1953, just at the heigth of the space invaders stories. IT is about a space ship from BEYOND that invades Milwaukee and tries to capture he-specimens to take back to their planet for propagation purposes. Add in the leader of the Group ZOMBINA a buxom Zombie with her secret Weapon in her throat...(get your minds out of the gutter!) and a tap dancing delivery boy, a sweet young thing, daughter of the space center, and a Russian spy posing as a scientist and you have the cast. Lots of music, lots of campy action and a really crude space center( think pie-plates put on a wall as knobs, ) and VOILA> ZOMBIES FROM THE BEYOND!

It was not my first choice to Direct, but I am glad to have the opportunity to prove my worth yet again. I know that with my twisted sense of humor and the twisted minds of my staff, this will be a good one.

google it and follow the links if you want to see clips and hear pieces of the music. ZOMBIES FROM THE BEYOND coming soon at a community theater near you...THE WHIDBEY PLAYHOUSE Sept 2009.

Nothing new...

I am sorry that I have not posted in so long, but there is nothing new to report. I go down every other day and sit with Mike for a few hours, but all he does is sleep. We are watching him slowly starve to death. That is what it seems like to me. He can not eat any more, and only can have clear liquids. They are keeping him heavily medicated to keep the pain at bay. I am an emotional wreck, as is Phyllis, so we just can not concentrate on blogging. I do wonder why this is taking so long. We know he will die, he knows he is dying, But his cancer just keeps on living...It just is not fair!

Stupid people!!!

THis thought to be extinct bird was photographed in the Phillipines in a market, then sold and EATEN!!!!



February 18, 2009—A rare quail from the Philippines was photographed for the first time before being sold as food at a poultry market, experts say.

Found only on the island of Luzon, Worcester's buttonquail was known solely through drawings based on dated museum specimens collected several decades ago.

Scientists had suspected the species—listed as "data deficient" on the International Union for Conservation of Nature's 2008 Red List—was extinct.

A TV crew documented the live bird in the market (above) before it was sold in January, according to the Agence France-Press news agency.

Michael Lu, president of the Wild Bird Club of the Philippines, told AFP the bird's demise should inspire a "local consciousness" about the region's threatened wildlife.

"What if this was the last of its species?" Lu said.

Update

I purposely stayed away from the Hospice so that Mike could spend time with his friends and Family alone. The Band that he started and the ones that evolved from that one all got together for a party Friday night. There were over 50 people there and Mike had a great time, although he was exausted after a few hours. Saturday was the day he wanted alone with Sherry, so no one went out. Sunday there were quite a few there, and Donna went down and spent some time with him. Today I went for the first time in 4 days, and He looked very wasted from Thursday afternoon. He is pale, sleeps a lot, and looks like he is 80 yrs old. I took Rocky in, and he was glad to see Mike and vice versa, but then he came over and layed down by ME! (oops)

Sherry has this week off and is staying right by his side so he is not alone. I do not expect it to be much longer than a week to 10 days. He is soooo tired.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster going through the family albums and finding pictures of him through out his life. I guess when I left home in 1969 no one bothered to take pictures of either him or Phyllis, as there just ARE NOT any!
This is one of my favorite pictures of him. This was Easter Sunday, when we were all out in the yard hunting eggs, and he was crawling on the sidewalk. Dad took this picture of him. He was such a sweet baby! I was 11 when he was born, and I raised him until I left and he was 12. I spent all weekend finding pictures and then crying. and then laughing. then sniffing.

Hard to explain grief!

Mike

I went and spent the afternoon with Michael today. He is looking very weary. When I got there he had a visitor that he and I adore, so that was ok. I asked him if he had any other visitors and he said Yeah, but he could not remember who they were. I asked if he knew who Merrily was and he smiled and said yes, an angel. Which she is! and he knew who I was. Then Sumre came in and brought her dog, and I had Rocky so he was surrounded by fur babies. We sat and watched Mike nod off, and wake up, then Merrily left. Shortly there after, some one else from his church came over, and that is when the care taker came in and said Mike are you ready for your Nap? (a signal that there was too many non-family visitors for the day) Mike said yeah, so the other people left and Sumre and I sat and talked and watched Mike Nod off. He is very tired and looking very wasted now. He is not in pain, and that is the important thing.

After about 3 hours, I tip-toed up and told him I loved him and he opened one eye and nodded. I then told him I would see him later and I left. I told the Dr. Ann that I would not be there tomorrow for his party, but I would be back on Saturday, and that is when she told me that No! Mike had asked that there be no visitors other than Sherry on Saturday, as he wanted to spend the last Valentine's Day alone with her. (SNORF!!!) Galen knows this too, so we will respect those wishes and leave them alone. I will be there on Sunday with DOnna.

This is really HArd! I can keep up a good brave front, but when I am alone, I fall apart!

I think I will go to be3d early tonight, and just escape!

Misc Pictures

Here are a few pictures I have been meaning to post just not got around to.



Dona Caught me in a rare moment of laughter...(LOLOL)




Tim sent this with his cell phone, so the quality is not really good, but it does show he is working hard! (THANK YOU LORD!)



THis little bird has been evading me for years...this time I got a positive identification! It is a female TOwnsend's Warbler. I stole the picture off the web, so if you took it, let me know so I can give you credit.

Enso House Hospice...

I went and spent the day with Mike yesterday. I got there and he was up and sitting in front of the fireplace that is out of this world beautiful!! They built a fire just for him. HE was comfortable sitting there, and there was a nice comfy wing back chair for me to sit in, so I got out my knitting and sat. Mike fell asleep sitting up, so it was just me and the silence all around except for the popping of the fireplace. I think it was as therepudic for me as for anybody.

Mike woke up and wanted to go to his room, so we relocated to his room, where he promptly fwell asleep again, and I sat in the big soft rocker and knitted away...a bird feeder right out the window on my right. The view there was so calming, and peaceful, and the rythmic breathing of My Baby Brother gave me peace. He was not in pain, and was resting comfortably. I hope with all my heart that it stays like this until the end.

Phyllis has the watch today, and I will go back tomorrow. I stay until time to go swimming, and then leave. Yesterday I was looking forward to that swim. I was a bit dismayed because the water was so cold, but I swam for 40 minutes until the "ladies of the rowing club" decided that my lane was the best place to practice. ARRRRRGHHHHHH!!!! Bitches! I needed the swim, as I felt like someone had hammered me down to 5'8" from my normal 6'1". The tension between my shoulder blades was horrible.

It is snowing today, BEAUTIFUL on the grass and trees and just warm enough that it melts on the roads! Hey what better kind of snow can you ask for! Should turn into rain by this afternoon.

Well I have things to do and places to go, so I will stop for today...Pray for a quick and peaceful end for Mike please.

roller coaster emotions....

Sherry put Mike in a pallitive care facility on Friday. As I said before, they discontinued all life giving supplements. So We were expecting him to go this weekend. Today he is doing quite well, sitting up and talking, and laughing. It is as if he was just a little sick.

The home is a privately run hospice, funded by Buddists, and it is non-denominational, and so PEACEFUL!! A lovely place, and Mike is the only one there right now.

After last week, not sleeping and grieving, I expected the end soon, but it appears as if he may pull thrugh this crisis and last a little longer than the Nurses said. Whoo-boy! Talk about ups and downs. I have not been sleeping and neither has Phyllis, until this weekend. My kids both came home and we all went and spent the day with Mike, and I got some much needed sleep!

I have been appointed to make a power point presentation of Mike's life...and I have no idea where to start. So I will be thinking of pictures to pull out and get scanned.

I am heading to the pool tomorrow! I NEED to float in warm water for awhile.

Final days....

AS of Yesterday, Mike has been taken off of all feeding tube, oxygen, and pumps, he just has the pump with his pain meds, and they are just keeping him comfortable. He has been moved to Enso House, which is a home for Pallitive care. www.ensohouse.com on SOuth Whidbey. They will keep him there under 24 hour care until he finally lets go and it will be over. Right now he is still lucid and alert, and has good times and bad times, the worst time being the realization that this is it folks! He is scared of dying. He is new to Faith, and I dont think he really understands.

His family was there with him all night last night, and today my family and Phyllis are going to go visit, and take his dog to see him. I have custody of ROCKY until Sherry can take him back home.

I have not bween able to concentrate on any thing other than Mike for a week, so If I have not been by your place, this is why. Sometimes life just gets in the way, and you have to deal with it.

I am much better, and able to sleep again, although I did spend two very restless nights crying, sleeping, crying etc. Now that my Kids are home, I feel much better.

Please keep Sherry and Mike in your thoughts and prayers, and hope for a fast and painless departure from this world into the next one for Mike.

Update: My Baby Brother

Update:

Well, it is not looking good at all. Sherry and Galen made the decision with the Dr. To stop his intravenous feeding, and the Chemo and just give him the drugs to keep him comfortable. He will be released to Home care tomorrow, and Galen will be there until Sherry can take off work. They say that he will just slowly go to sleep and then die. I went in to see him this afternoon and he looked like death already. He was having labored breathing, but his color was good. His eyes are really dark and sunken too. It won’t be much longer. I am hoping along with Phyllis and others that he goes tonight, in the hospital, so Sherry does not have to deal with that alone at home.

Damn it! This is so hard!! He is only 53!

I'm Not ready for this.... :(

Ok, Crisis averted.


Donna you already know, but here is the full story. Mike went in for surgery this afternoon to have his port changed from his neck into his chest. Just as he was being returned to the ward, he quit breathing, turned blue and then purple and they were having a real difficult time keeping him breathing. They moved him to ICU and were working on him and he threw up and then aspirated some of it into his lungs. They took x-rays and there is something in there, but they are not sure (at Least Sherry was not sure ) whether it was vomitus or cancer. All of this happened right at 6:00, so Sherry called Phyllis who called me and we all met at the ICU. I just got home,(11:00) and Mike is sleeping now, which is a good sign, HOWEVER, this could turn into pneumonia at any time, and that will be bad.

Galen got here in time to give Mike a massage, and watch him go to sleep, so then we all discussed what Sherry should do if he crashes again. She did not know what to do. SO You know me, Big Mouth, I said as Oldest member of the family I suggest a no-resuscitate order from here on in, especially if they cannot guarantee that he will have any better quality of life than he has had this week. Phyllis agreed with me and Sherry started crying and said she felt guilty for thinking that way. We assured her that there was absolutely NO GUILT at all, and that was the way he was raised.

So now we are all at home waiting for morning to see what happens next. Keep him in your prayers, thoughts whatever. I hope he goes soon, and peacefully.

the Recipe...

http://www.motherearthnews.com/Real-Food/Artisan-Bread-In-Five-Minutes-A-Day.aspx

Ok folks if this link worked (which it may not) the recipe is here. If it did not work...I got the article and recipe from my daughter's site chemystery.livejournal.com It is from MOTHER EARTH NEWS and the article is called Artisan bread in 5 minutes a day.

I also noted that the smell of baking bread brings a lot of lurkers out of the woodwork! ;) Welcome guys, and do come back.

Bread in only five minutes!!!!

My Daughter called me one day and said she was baking bread...ok...Only costs 50 cents a loaf to make. Ok...

She sent me the recipe and I tried it. OHMIGAWD!!! YUMMY!!!

Only I used a package of yeast that I had sitting around in a drawer and it did not rise. So I added more water, flour and NEW yeast to the old batch...Are you all old enough to remember the I LOVE LUCY episode where she is making bread and she puts it into the oven and it opens the oven door and floods the kitchen with bread dough? Yeah, that was my bowl of dough! I had to scrape it off the counter and put it into TWO more bowls to get it all in the fridge where it was sposed to stay until I was ready to bake it.

I waited until the next day when I had time, and then pulled out enough to make one loaf! It was so good that even Bob came over on a Wednesday to have a piece! He ended up taking a loaf home, we ate a loaf, and I finished baking the rest so I can start with new dough today.

It makes the best sandwiches! I put a few slices of deli roast beef and meunster cheese and horeradish on it and it was as good as any deli sandwich you could have...could have used some sprouts though.


Aren't I getting to be miss susie homemaker?